Step in stand clear.

Ok. So, while I was a little disappointed that I would not be able to work through my little office party hangover (four too-sweet margaritas is unwise) at home in my jammies while doing some work today, I would really really like it if our friends in the Transit Workers' Union would refrain from striking. I am familiar, of course, with the reasons behind the strike and I'm all for labor (I am a liberal, after all), but I need the Subway. I love the Subway. I love the Transit Workers. We have our tough days, when it appears to be "Newbie Day" and the train moves as if they've left the parking brake on and I make snide remarks to fellow riders. But the MTA and TWU get me from A to B on a regular basis. I get to take in the beautiful view from the N train twice a day on my commute thanks to them. I don't have to drive. I can get plastered in Manhattan and sleep it off all the way to Park Slope. I get to stand cheek to jowl with 7 million of my closest friends on a regular basis. And you've got to love that. Plus, the people of the TWU are clearly hilarious. Sometimes, I like to fantasize about the things I would say if I were a Subway conductor:

Me: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please be aware that this is the last train that's going to come through this station, ever. You will not be able to leave this station unless you're on this very train. So, please hold open the doors for as long as you have strength and be sure to pack right in. This is the last helicopter out of 'Nam."

I'd likely do that on my first day and then get fired. But it'd be funny.

Anyway, as I dozed on my feet on the way to work this morning, I reflected on what I, a citizen and straphanger of New York, could do to help the TWU feel some love, 'cause Mr. Toussaint and his associates seemed a little peeved. I love you, TWU, and this is what I would do for you:


1 Loan you my cat. Isn't he cute? He's also hilarious because he's a big jerk. And he loves him some 'nip.
2 Take you to the Prom where we could slow dance to Try Me! by James Brown. I'd give you a corsage and tell you how pretty you are and I won't try to score, either. Because I respect you.
3 Make you crepes on a Sunday morning and let you work the crossword first. Now, this is no lame offer. Firstly, because my crepes will blow your mind (I'm half Quebecoise, you know, so even my first one turns out well and I have a real Parisian recipe that kicks ass) and I have Nutella in the larder. Secondly, because you'll get all the easy words and then I'll have only the hard ones left that make me feel stupid.
4 Ply you with Caotina. It works with my friends. They'll never kick me to the curb because I keep them in Swiss chocolate and Cuban rum. I'm betting that if I promise you these things you won't strike.


Can't do anything about the 3 year contract... sorry about that. I luuuurve you guys!