Please please me.

We had a fantastic start yesterday in Texas, with Schilling pitching like Schilling and Ortiz hitting like Ortiz.

I have to take a moment to issue an apology to espn.com. The new Gamecast is pretty great. With the animation and the strike zone and whatnot. I'm liking it very much. Granted, it's still going to annoy me when I want to keep up with an afternoon game, but it's waaaay better than it was last year. So, sorry for the vitriol, ESPN. Way to get your shit together.

Anyway, between yesterday's solid game and ordering MLB Extra Innings (thank you, tax return), you might say I'm one content little New Englander.

The only thing that would make it better? Roger Effing Clemens. Yeah, now that I'm back from the Swiss vacation and it's spring and I'm reading about all the rumors and whatnot, I want him. I want him something awful.

Roger, come back to Boston. Go to the Hall as a Red Sox. It's only right. I mean, I have relished hating you for the past couple of years. But I get weak-kneed over the very idea of you finishing in the Fens. You would be paraded down Yawkey Way in a carriage drawn by white horses, with virgins sprinkling rosepetals in your wake. Every heart in New England would swell. Old men would weep. It would be a most fitting homecoming. Sure, you're a bit of a diva these days, with your cushy setup in Houston. Yeah, you broke my Dad's heart when you left. But, Sweet Sassy Molassy, Roger, you're a student of the game. You know how beautiful it would be.

I have every confidence that Theo is whispering some sweet nothings to you and your jerky agent. But, please. Come home.

Ahem. If you decide to go to New York, I'll cut your arms off and beat you to death with them. Then I'll spit on your corpse, you fucking mercenary.

Happy spring everyone! Baseball at my place!

image from skylinepictures.com