Well I love it. I'll have yours.

One of the things that brings a little amusement (with just a hint of annoyance) to my day is deleting the spam from the inbox to which our letters to the editors are sent. We have about 1 legitimate email from a reader for every eleventy billion spam messages. So, as you can imagine, deleting the 500 (ahem, x eleventy billion = a shit ton)+ that come in over the weekend can get time-consuming. But, it's interesting to note the trends in spam. For example, when I started this job, half of the spam suggested "Help your (mother, brother, husband, sister) with her pain."

But, I imagine someone cracked down on that racket, or perhaps they decided that empathy for relatives' pain wasn't the right direction to take, as that one no longer graces the inbox. Instead, the spammers (that big faceless bunch of jerks) have decided to drive me crazy with nonsensical subject headings until I click through something and give them my debit card number and SSN in blind, hopeless confusion.

Now, a sampling of some of the more amusing/infuriating spam subject lines from today's batch:

"fervently ask to encounter needing companion" (there were a bunch of umlauts thrown into that one as well... always a good move)
"Never be single once again?" related: "Never be alone once more" (these make my eye twitch)
"powerful enlargement" (sounds painful)
"Silent Hookups!" (sounds... um... weird?)
"Ensured dates at the moment"
"Re: squeamish Pharmac y"
"Regenerate your aliveness!"
"Computer TV Camviewer dating" (What the hell is that?)

Now, I know that spammers make money. Boatloads of it. But I just don't understand how. Who even knows how one regenerates one's aliveness, short of becoming a mutant or something?

So, most of us are trained to avoid clicking on spam. But the thing is, it used to be harder to spot. They tried to blend in, right? Now, they're sticking out like a sore thumb. A sore, ungrammatical thumb that doesn't make any sense (because a fit, grammatical thumb makes perfect sense). And I guess the key with spamming is a shotgun approach, but might you find more willing rubes if you appeared just the teensiest bit more legitimate?

Meanwhile, thanks for the laughter and the tears, spammers. You massacre my mother tongue with the best of them.

still image of Monty P. respectfully borrowed from spamterminator.it