My, ahem, charming compulsiveness has reared its pretty head. You all know by now that I like my English written all proper-like, with each apostrophe placed with pride and certainty.
I, like other folks on this Internet Machine, feel inclined to point out violations against our mother tongue (though they tend to be quicker with the acerbic wit, and less reliant on the ranting and raving).
Behold, a common violation to my peace of mind:
I took this photo at a local supermarket this evening while my sister look on, puzzled.
Whomever began the trend of making the word "items" a general, uncountable noun is, in a word, a jerkface.
This sign blazing above me (as I purchase fewer than ten items at the local grocery store) is troubling.... enough to make me wince as I accept my change. The fact that this widely-accepted, easily-corrected error is also the title of some crappy movie (I assume it's crappy because they failed to employ a person with half a brain who could steer the enterprise through those shark-infested waters of usage vs. convention) swings the needle over into apoplexy.
So, in that store, I try to keep my purchases large and my eyes averted.
Just down the road a piece, though, there is a fine supermarket establishment whose prices are a little high, whose chili peppers are incorrectly sorted (an Anaheim and a Serrano should not be in the same basket... HELLO?), and whose checkout lines are stocked with Rachael Ray magazines. They have all of the elements I wish to avoid in my food shopping experience.
However, while collecting ingredients for holiday cookies the other day, I caught sight of what may well win this place my business for life:
Hosannas from the highest! Isn't it beautiful? Yeah, I think I need to do a little dance....
So, you see, I reward the worthy even as I chastise the feebly literate. Someone at that coporate headquarters pulled their heads out of each others patoots long enough to listen to the shrill cries of losers like me. And for that I thank them from the bottom of my cold cold heart. I wished I could have danced with the pimply-faced bagger in the bakery aisle without being hauled away given antipsychotics. Because 10 Items or Fewer? It's a beautiful thing.*
*ha ha**
**Yeah, I don't get out much.
6 comments:
wow. i think you've outdone yourself. and it saddens and worries me that i spent the first half of that post thinking to myself, "there's no extra apostrophe, what the hell is wrong with 10 items or less?"
i'm losing it. LOSING IT.
You're not a loser. You're the Patron Saint of Grammar.
And we shall toast your divine vision this New Year's.
Also, I was extremely pleased that I immediately saw what was incorrect about that sign. I'm learning.
while i understand the concern here, i have a hard time taking issue with this movie title. the original grammatically incorrect sign that is plastered all over grocery stores the English speaking world over, yes, is truly a shame. the movie title at least has a precedent, a point of reference that everyone understands, whether they agree with the grammar or not. if we're going to spend energy throwing our arms up, i say we do it in regards to "the pursuit of happyness," which is just spelled incorrectly for no discernable reason. while i'm sure that this film has been discussed in the past, surely it's not the kind of thing that can be talked about once and forgotten. ten year-olds across the country will now think that happiness is spelled with a "y." and even i, who's generally relatively lax about these kinds of things, am upset about that.
also: dig the new blog title. clever and funny. a good combination. i will go and modify my blog to reflect this change.
correction: there's no need to update my blog. just thought y'all should know. the situation is under control. all the ducks are quacking.
also: check the link to phone's ringing. it ain't workin'. i think you've got an extraneous www in there.
Will, I know that it's the accepted usage by most people, but it still pains me.
We discussed The Pursuit of Happyness thing here a while ago, and it rankles me as well. Though, presumably the child's name is Happy... still, no excuse.
Obviously lunatics like me pick up the slack for well-adjusted folks like you when it comes to being annoyed by commonly mistaken usages like "10 Items or Less."
I went on a grocery odyssey (Costco, Hanaford, AND Stop & Shop) with my dad today and I found that Hanaford has "..or Fewer" (and a stellar veggie selection). I was too burnt out by food shopping to seek out the express line in S&S, so stay tuned on that.
You'll all be pleased to know, however, that we purchased our Christmas goose.
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